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November 19 Impermanence IIImpermanence II Standing in front of him, the great black one, I saw no avail in arguing or even questioning; for whenever an inquiry was inserted stony silence ensued, dreadful silence. I could but only be silent too and observed and waited. Perhaps there would indeed be light beyond that shadow of the unknowning. Eyes of the dark-cloaked met mine, yet no souls conjured no growth in life. What amplified was the disquetness inside. Bliss in eternal life, or Rebirth, you say, all with optimism and hope. But honesty heals not the blind! A bounded mind can barely breathe through the suspended air of night. November 18 ImpermanenceImpermanence He approaches without a word silently observing. Death lurks, as if he were naive and unknowing; yet with a small breach he sneaks in. Pale is his face yet undeniable his wish. He came, and went. Nothing remains but the silent rain, and the unfinished breath. Dedication to my teacher, my guide, my friend: Dr. Roland Su. Metta Sutta In safety and in bliss May all creatures be of a blissful heart. Whatever breathing beings there may be, No matter whether they are frail or firm, With none excepted, be they long or big Or middle-sized, or be they short or small Or thick, as well as those seen or unseen, Or whether they are far or near, Existing or yet seeking to exist, May all creatures be of a blissful heart. Let no one work another's undoing Or even slight him at all anywhere; And never let them wish another ill Through provocation or resentful thought. And just as might a mother with her life Protect the son that was her only child, So let him then for every living thing Maintain unbounded consciousness in being, And let him too with love for all the world Maintain unbounded consciousness in being Above, below, and all round in between, Untroubled, with no enemy or foe. And while he stands or walks, or while he sits Or while he lies down, free from drowsiness, Let him resolve upon this mindfulness. This is Divine Abiding here, they say. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ You abide in my heart, my breaths, my walks, my thoughts, my speeches, my grieves, my tears, my meditation. Rest in peace and be one with the divine. In memory of my loving teacher, Dr. Roland Su Jong Hea October 24 性解放与“性”解放性解放与“性”解放 今天突然偶发感想，想写这么一篇文章。目的嘛，是扫一扫脑中思维，把这个我思考已久的问题拿来嚼一嚼。顺便也逗逗你们的敏感神经，抖一抖你们的羽毛。呵呵呵。 在这个东西方文化大冲击的时代，有幸不受饥寒的人们都在寻找着一个答案：如何才能幸福？摆在我们面前的答案包括：金钱，权利，享受，地位，知识，宗教等等。不能不说，一个在小康或者优裕条件下成长的人，面对这些选择是一定是头昏眼花的。我不敢妄发太多议论，只捡其中一种迷惑闲谈一番。 过去50年，除去世界政局的动荡以外，人的生活中最大变化莫过于对性与心灵的态度的巨大改变。这种冲击对东方文化也是非常可观。西方提倡或曾提倡人肉体的完全开放，而东方文化受礼教压迫已久，讲究男女大防。心灵的冲击来在西方的自我意识(Egoism) 与东方的自然主义哲学的摩擦。所以在这种冲击下成长的一代人（如笔者），对此问题会有很多困惑。 如题，性与“性”。什么意思？前面的性 (Sexuality)，但指男女之事，而后面的性 (Mind)，是人性的性，就是心。或者说前者指身体，后者指心灵。这两者是二而一的，是分不开的。 先说性。笔者年幼的时候，成年人对性的话题是避讳不及的，甚至是带有一种恐惧的。男女之事总是那么神秘，或者说禁忌。身体的变化及其带来的荷尔蒙的入侵，对我们来说既不可思议，又不可告人。据我观察，很多人（包括笔者）都是在这种“不可告人”的负罪感中开始了他们的性生活。这种负罪感，事实上是一种心理伤害的后遗症，会严重影响一个人生活质量。而这种负罪感的根源，仍旧是没有灭绝的礼教意识。 礼教的压迫，可以说是根深缔结。笔者过去十年一直在跟这种内心的压迫作斗争， 每每发现原来很多冠冕堂皇的理由都是以心生恐惧开始的。这其中说的恐惧，既可以说是对性交的恐惧，也可以说是对女人本能的恐惧。可以说，礼教的压迫，其实是从对女人的恐惧开始的。这里不敢引经据典，但愚以为经典中确有恐惧或敌视女人的词句，或者说有的被误读成敌视女人的词句。如"唯女子与小人难养也"。其实这里有上下文的，（笔者本人理解为孔老夫子在开玩笑来着）却被后来人拿来做文章，一直做到包小脚，养女深闺这种变态的文章。这个绝对不局限于儒家，各大宗教都能找到例子。 那么这种对女人的恐惧的根源在哪里？现代心理学中有提供答案，各个派别不一。这里只说说笔者的粗见。对女人的恐惧，是男权社会的病态体现 (pathological manifestation of androgenic society)。在一个男权社会里，社会的结构需要男人不惜一切保证自己的权利。而人有两种重要基本行为与此向左。其一是男女交合，其二是怀胎与分娩。在这两个领域，男人要么放下权利，要么就还没有能力行使权力。在这两方面，男人要依赖于女人，其中后者更是完全依赖。因此，男权社会的结构一定会不惜一切的去压迫或掩盖这两种情况。所以圣人们（都是男人）都是坐怀不乱的，都是无性生殖的，都不是从母亲阴道中出来的； 女人嘛，一定是要守操节的，一定是要关起来的，头和脚是一定要包的，如此云云。这里就不举例了。一切都是直接或间接的在保证男权。于是礼教的压迫诞生了。 现代西方的做法，是对礼教的彻底否定。好几代人的性革命，彻底推翻了这些压迫。所以才有了花一代 (Flower generation) 等等。笔者刚到德国时，受到很大视听冲击。简单的说，就是“性，无所不在”。东方礼教视男女之事为大敌，西方人却视其为像吃饭睡觉这么平常的事。“性交嘛，就像饿了吃饭，困了睡觉，如此而已。至于伴侣嘛，那就跟每天换个馆子吃饭，越多越好咯！”当然这里有些夸张，但大趋势是这样的。 那么，这些西方人找的真正的答案了吗。好像也没有。性乱交的结果不是爱滋夭折，就是最终孤独一生。结果不比终生无性好多少。怎么会这样呢？因为他们虽然找到了性，却都丢了“性”，丢掉了人心，道德与责任。 这里就回到“心”上。其实毛病都是出在这里的。不管是男女之性，还是人的心性，最终都是“心生” （笔者案：性字拆开，我们的老祖宗多么智慧，造字的时候都想周到了）。一个人要追求幸福，只能从这里开始。不管你的重点是想要男女之事协调，感情生活幸福，还是社会性的成熟，离开身心的健康都是无从谈起的。所以只是外在的性解放，是不够的。内在心灵的“性”解放才是真正的解放。 从何开始，那就因人而异了，我可没辙。:-) 吾寻者，中道也。不入礼教，不出本心。 2009年10月24日, 慕尼黑 October 19 White Tara (Praise)White Tara (Praise) Echo from millions of millenia, core of the non-dual atom, beyond boundaries of boundless universe, rainbow-coloured lotus blossom, snow pure bodice of light, you arise; Goddess blending space and time. Wheel of transcendental wisdom rotates with hymning of the endless mind. Breathing lapis-lazuli spirit, from the water lily in your hand, you breathe, I abide; man trapped in infatuations and disguise. Distance dissolves, we unify in a supernova explosion, a cosmic orgasm, that no force can defy. Munich 19/10/09 October 07 Reflections in café
In this country, whose language I do not speak, I feel protected. The mind is protected, ironically and precisely by its very ignorance, by the sensation of not-knowing. There is nowhere to go, no one to meet, not a soul to get to know. I am completely and utterly by myself. No future, no history, no coming and no going, just here, here, here, this, this, this. I find liberation and relief in this complete foreignness and total alienation. In this tiny café next to an unknown street, there, I have access to the open secret of being, just being. I. Memory of going by She goes by, they go by, umbrella in hand. Gloomy façade of ancient time, black smog sedimented on the buttresses and pillars, layers and layers, lamenting the impermanence. She went by, they went by, coffee in hand, books in hand, hand in hand. Silent rain in noisy city, dusts dissolve into mud, mud slimes the soles of unknown souls; soul that sees everything but itself. She went by, he went by, all went by. Have you never heard, that immortality has no price-tags? She goes by, I went by... II. Toothache Genie of the swamp, swamp of trickery spirits, infested the armoured mind. Needles of anxiety drills trough the thin membrane of thoughts. Trickling pain sweeps like ripples over the clear pond of cognizance, scratching the foundation of illusory being. Waiting impatiently, the mind hopes for a tsunami, in that for a moment it can forget itself in waves of transcending emptiness. 29/09/09 Kraków September 19 花葉事
乙丑八月初一，幸得噶千仁波切加持，如醍醐灌頂，頓時涕淚悲泣，本心湧動，感慨萬千。無以爲報，故作此嘆，聊表無盡謝意。 花葉事
噶千仁波切讚 千頃風波孤葉舟， 万劫葛藤路難求。 一朝見得迦葉事， 悟脫本心還自由。 September 18 左右手 左右手 左手舒张，右指轻弹， 时空喘息的缝隙 猛然蹦出天外的家园。 碧蓝的天空无一朵云彩 幽绿的山谷中蝶舞清岚。 远方的城市里 喜怒哀叹 与我无关。 彩虹般的激流灌顶而入 在每一根毛细血管中 绽开！ 每一个分子 都在亢奋中颤抖 和声咏唱着等待千年的赞叹。 肉体 此时只是一种羁绊。 左手舒张，右指轻弹， 逍遥胜境渐渐飘远 时空的呼吸 沉重而有力 淹没了这转瞬即逝的灵感。 而我 悄悄抹去的结尾的高音G 双手缓抬 等待下个轮回的梦幻。 18/09/09 August 10 ArmourArmour I wore this heavy suit, stainless, steel, sleek and cold, polished and ornate, with peacock tails. With him, like a brother I went into wars. One morning I woke up. There shall be no more wars; for violence never touched a soul, except destroying the one of my own; protection never availed, frozen was the heart concealed. I shall part with this armour, yet into my flesh it has grown. No magic helps, around the world with it I must toil. Liberation, as I know, emerges only after the darkest dungeon of the unknown. End of that tunnel of struggle, I run naked into the open space like reborn. 10/08/09 Munich June 10 CaveCave Hands heavy, I search for a cure in the darkness of the cave inside the scar of a child who never played. Conduits of confusion cannot extinguish this shimmering light, giving me courage to feel my fingers through this suffocating carpet of suffering. What is called faith is the adamantine conviction that at the end of this durgeon, a door opens to a mirror, wherein the whole existence is illuminated. 10/06/09Munich May 28 Improvision in sleepImprovision in sleep
We are treading the line on the sidewalk of a street separating day and night. In the quivering candle light, fingers in darkness stroked through landscape in the mist that covered pulsation of your waking life. Clouds of impermanence pressing on, reminding us that all these could be a flashback of a forgotten time, in a single blink of our weary eyes. May this instant, may this instant last till my tears run dry? you cried. I hushed. For what else could eternity be, than the unison of our souls over the rising and ebbing of this moonlit evening tide? 28/05/09 Munich May 22 MargaritaMargarita Margarita Margarita, tear drops are on your petals, blinking in the misty sunshine of the reincarnating spring. Where comes the grief that trembles in the fragile stems, barely withstanding turmoils of the frosty wind? What is this emptiness possessing the heart of your blossoming limbs? What is this yearning streaming through iris of melancholic green? Margarita Margarita do not weep; for if you cry because you miss the sunrise' glory you will also miss the melody of the hymning rain. 19/05/09 Munich May 15 Schmerz III. SchamMan muss Schmerz ertragen, um die Wirklichkeit zu sehen. Man muss Schmerz ertragen, um zu lieben. Man muss Schmerz ertragen, um die Angst zu überwinden. Man muss Schmerz ertragen, um wach zu bleiben. Man muss Schmerz ertragen, um sich selbst zu verstehen. Man muss Schmerz ertragen, um sich zu befreien. Man muss Schmerz ertragen, ......  May 14 Schmerz II. WachstumMan muss Schmerz ertragen, um die Wirklichkeit zu sehen. Man muss Schmerz ertragen, um zu lieben. Man muss Schmerz ertragen, um die Angst zu überwinden. Man muss Schmerz ertragen, um wach zu bleiben. Man muss Schmerz ertragen, um sich selbst zu verstehen. Man muss Schmerz ertragen, um sich zu befreien. Man muss Schmerz ertragen, ......  May 13 Schmerz I. KrankheitMan muss Schmerz ertragen, um die Wirklichkeit zu sehen. Man muss Schmerz ertragen, um zu lieben. Man muss Schmerz ertragen, um die Angst zu überwinden. Man muss Schmerz ertragen, um wach zu bleiben. Man muss Schmerz ertragen, um sich selbst zu verstehen. Man muss Schmerz ertragen, um sich zu befreien. Man muss Schmerz ertragen, ......  May 04 蜘蛛蜘蛛 优雅的细腿 却长满了忧郁的绒毛。 乌黑透亮的眼眸中 浮动着孤独的仇怨。 血红的背脊上 刻印着岁月的伤。 心如死灰的寡妇 编织着漫漫的死亡之网。 颤颤巍巍的我 问你能否松开我的绑 让我尝尝久违的阳光？ 冷笑的你 却把毒牙扎入我的脊梁。 灵魂的抽搐 提醒我被束缚的宿命 无处可藏。 何时，何时 何时能让我 逃出囹圄？ 那时 我宁愿 把这腐朽的肢体 化成清晨雏菊花瓣上的泪光。 慕尼黑 04/05/09 |
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