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24 oktober 性解放与“性”解放性解放与“性”解放 今天突然偶发感想,想写这么一篇文章。目的嘛,是扫一扫脑中思维,把这个我思考已久的问题拿来嚼一嚼。顺便也逗逗你们的敏感神经,抖一抖你们的羽毛。呵呵呵。 在这个东西方文化大冲击的时代,有幸不受饥寒的人们都在寻找着一个答案:如何才能幸福?摆在我们面前的答案包括:金钱,权利,享受,地位,知识,宗教等等。不能不说,一个在小康或者优裕条件下成长的人,面对这些选择是一定是头昏眼花的。我不敢妄发太多议论,只捡其中一种迷惑闲谈一番。 过去50年,除去世界政局的动荡以外,人的生活中最大变化莫过于对性与心灵的态度的巨大改变。这种冲击对东方文化也是非常可观。西方提倡或曾提倡人肉体的完全开放,而东方文化受礼教压迫已久,讲究男女大防。心灵的冲击来在西方的自我意识(Egoism) 与东方的自然主义哲学的摩擦。所以在这种冲击下成长的一代人(如笔者),对此问题会有很多困惑。 如题,性与“性”。什么意思?前面的性 (Sexuality),但指男女之事,而后面的性 (Mind),是人性的性,就是心。或者说前者指身体,后者指心灵。这两者是二而一的,是分不开的。 先说性。笔者年幼的时候,成年人对性的话题是避讳不及的,甚至是带有一种恐惧的。男女之事总是那么神秘,或者说禁忌。身体的变化及其带来的荷尔蒙的入侵,对我们来说既不可思议,又不可告人。据我观察,很多人(包括笔者)都是在这种“不可告人”的负罪感中开始了他们的性生活。这种负罪感,事实上是一种心理伤害的后遗症,会严重影响一个人生活质量。而这种负罪感的根源,仍旧是没有灭绝的礼教意识。 礼教的压迫,可以说是根深缔结。笔者过去十年一直在跟这种内心的压迫作斗争, 每每发现原来很多冠冕堂皇的理由都是以心生恐惧开始的。这其中说的恐惧,既可以说是对性交的恐惧,也可以说是对女人本能的恐惧。可以说,礼教的压迫,其实是从对女人的恐惧开始的。这里不敢引经据典,但愚以为经典中确有恐惧或敌视女人的词句,或者说有的被误读成敌视女人的词句。如"唯女子与小人难养也"。其实这里有上下文的,(笔者本人理解为孔老夫子在开玩笑来着)却被后来人拿来做文章,一直做到包小脚,养女深闺这种变态的文章。这个绝对不局限于儒家,各大宗教都能找到例子。 那么这种对女人的恐惧的根源在哪里?现代心理学中有提供答案,各个派别不一。这里只说说笔者的粗见。对女人的恐惧,是男权社会的病态体现 (pathological manifestation of androgenic society)。在一个男权社会里,社会的结构需要男人不惜一切保证自己的权利。而人有两种重要基本行为与此向左。其一是男女交合,其二是怀胎与分娩。在这两个领域,男人要么放下权利,要么就还没有能力行使权力。在这两方面,男人要依赖于女人,其中后者更是完全依赖。因此,男权社会的结构一定会不惜一切的去压迫或掩盖这两种情况。所以圣人们(都是男人)都是坐怀不乱的,都是无性生殖的,都不是从母亲阴道中出来的; 女人嘛,一定是要守操节的,一定是要关起来的,头和脚是一定要包的,如此云云。这里就不举例了。一切都是直接或间接的在保证男权。于是礼教的压迫诞生了。 现代西方的做法,是对礼教的彻底否定。好几代人的性革命,彻底推翻了这些压迫。所以才有了花一代 (Flower generation) 等等。笔者刚到德国时,受到很大视听冲击。简单的说,就是“性,无所不在”。东方礼教视男女之事为大敌,西方人却视其为像吃饭睡觉这么平常的事。“性交嘛,就像饿了吃饭,困了睡觉,如此而已。至于伴侣嘛,那就跟每天换个馆子吃饭,越多越好咯!”当然这里有些夸张,但大趋势是这样的。 那么,这些西方人找的真正的答案了吗。好像也没有。性乱交的结果不是爱滋夭折,就是最终孤独一生。结果不比终生无性好多少。怎么会这样呢?因为他们虽然找到了性,却都丢了“性”,丢掉了人心,道德与责任。 这里就回到“心”上。其实毛病都是出在这里的。不管是男女之性,还是人的心性,最终都是“心生” (笔者案:性字拆开,我们的老祖宗多么智慧,造字的时候都想周到了)。一个人要追求幸福,只能从这里开始。不管你的重点是想要男女之事协调,感情生活幸福,还是社会性的成熟,离开身心的健康都是无从谈起的。所以只是外在的性解放,是不够的。内在心灵的“性”解放才是真正的解放。 从何开始,那就因人而异了,我可没辙。:-) 吾寻者,中道也。不入礼教,不出本心。 2009年10月24日, 慕尼黑 24 augustus 透过荣格看金庸透过荣格看金庸
金庸的小说可以说是华人文化重要代表。可惜我们这一代人做学生的时候被人误导,总觉得看武侠是不务正业。所以连像我这样的书虫直到现在才开始接触他的作品。不过一看不得了,只看了一部《射雕英雄传》就觉得他的作品内有乾坤。现在我就来嚼一嚼。 在人成长早期中,常常在梦中遇到三种原型:
这三个再加上做梦人的自我意识(Ego),就是梦中的四种主要人物。而成功的个性化过程最后会以四种人物在梦中的平衡与和睦相处,达到类似曼陀罗 (Mandala) 的 “四位一体” 而完成。 15 juli 你相信科学吗?你相信科学吗?这句话如果问出来,十有八九我会得到一个肯定的答案。常常会听到个人,媒体,甚至政府语重心长的告诫大家,要“相信科学,破除迷信”。但是这句话如果有人拿来问我,我会说一个大大的“不”字。 “等等,你不是搞科研的吗?博士都快毕业了。怎么可能不相信科学?” 提问的人一定会有这样的疑问。答案很简单,“相信”与“科学”这两个概念放在一起是百分之百的悖论。 我现在就要来破破我们对“科学”的“迷信”。 相信和信仰应该是同义的,至少在西方语言中是这样(德语glauben, 英语believe, 法语croire, 拉丁文credo)。而信仰是“指对某种主张、主义、或神的旨意的信服和尊崇,并把它奉为自己的行为准则”。也就是说,如果某人相信某样东西,或某种主张,这种关系是无条件的从属,是不可推翻,甚至不可怀疑的。比如说,一个人可以说“相信神”,也可以说“相信老皇历”,或者相信某个人,等等。 而科学的定义也是很严密的。所谓科学 (拉丁文 scientia)是:
科学的经验体系是西方文化的重要部分。他的发源大概是在古希腊时期,其公认鼻祖是亚历士多得,德谟克里特和毕达格拉斯。其发展在基督教盛行的中世纪受到很大的约束,原因恰恰是受“信仰”系统的排斥与压迫,直到笛卡尔,伽利略,培根等人的出现。所以科学与信仰在西方社会一般被认为是两个互相排斥的概念。当然现代心理学与认知学的发展正在对这个互斥性提出疑问,但这是前沿中的前沿,本身也在受到整个科学界的置疑。我想那些大声疾呼相信科学的人恐怕大部分不知道什么是认知学吧。 接受科学的态度,也必须是科学的态度,那就是无尽的怀疑与批判。对科学的不怀疑或者说信仰,与科学精神本身就是相悖的。如果真的要拿出来说,也只能说“提倡科学”,或者“探索科学”。 最近国内还常常有人把中国文化拿来跟科学说是非。最著名的莫非“中医是伪科学”,闹得是沸沸扬扬。我看得很不解。这个本来就是件牛头不对马嘴的事,有什么好争的?以我的浅薄之见,中国文化的起源,乃至中医的理论系统,是独立于西方科学而发展的。两者不具备可比性。当然我们可以研究两者是否具备可兼容性,而不是用一个体系去硬套另一个体系,套不进去的时候就说某体系是“伪”造的。这就好像一个人听说邻居养了一头鹿,他很兴奋得去看了鹿。只看了几眼就觉得鹿好,自家的马不行。回到家,就指着马鼻子大喊大叫:“你这头伪鹿!”。这是个大大的笑话! 2008年7月15日 慕尼黑 18 mei 理智与情感刚刚看到一篇博客,说我们现在的救灾行为缺乏理性,包括捐款与祈祷的人们。虽然这些话说了伤感情,但是确实是很有道理。 我本人整个星期都是处在情绪极端激动的状态。吃不好,睡不香,一闭眼就是一个个惨烈的画面浮现。痛在自己同乡身上,也在我的心里。这些痛苦让我如无头苍蝇一样满城跑,满德国的打电话,找援助,找志愿者行动。这在现在看来却有点小儿科。 平心而论,我手上的技能,帮得上忙的少,能添乱的多。不是医生,光有点生理知识; 不是心理咨询师,只有点精神理疗的亲身经验,加上点纸上谈兵; 语言方面英语或许能有用,但德语专业级的翻译还是勉为其难; 艺术方面的东西,这个关头就更没用了-- 惨绝人寰的灾害,哪里有人有心思谈文艺,欣赏音乐绘画?所以数来数去,我这个杂货铺里的东西还真救不了什么灾。现在冷静下来了仔细思考,眼下帮得上忙的,就只有这笔小小的捐款,和在成都的外国人中组织一些小规模的筹款行动。 再加上安抚家人,考虑长远的个人赈灾的行动。平时自命不凡,到了“用兵之时”,原来这么没用,惭愧惭愧矣。 自己检讨以后,也希望那些不太冷静的国人能够让自己的满腔热忱化为冷静的赈灾计划。不要再盲目的捐赠与祈祷。现在这个时候,还只是灾难的刚刚开始。救死人难,救活人更是难上加难。 愚以为,赈灾的头一件事,就先做好自己手上的本职工作。 比如说,在校学生对亡灵的最好的慰籍,就是发奋学习,去延续那些死去学生才刚刚起飞的梦想。 老师们就应该更潜心爱护学生,来完成逝去教师未完成的事业。儿女们应该孝敬父母,因为老吾老以及人之老仍是千古佳训。 父母们应更珍惜孩子,因为每一个被自然夺取的生命中都有跟你孩子一样的鲜活的灵魂。 以此类推,让我们用对周围人的爱,对社会的责任心,以及对不幸人的慈悲,来弥补自然对我们的严惩所带来的伤害。 果真如此,大同社会不远矣。 中国人是坚强的。 中国人的脊梁是压不垮的。 但是这种坚强的毅力并非来自外在的优越条件,或是流露于外的感情, 而是发自内心,来自远古的一种原始的生命力。 中国人的内心是柔弱中的刚强。中国人的意志如静潭止水的处恶不争,又如开山激瀑的奔流薄发。 这次地震, 抖出了我们的良心,我们的国民意识。 希望大灾过后, 能够有更多的人保持这种良心与团结。 那么我们的国家就会越来越强大,社会就会越来越美好。 愿你们平安幸福。 昊 字 2008年5月18日 28 augustus Ich muß mich verstärkenNietzsche sagte: Man muss noch Chaos in sich haben, um einen tanzenden Stern gebären zu können. Ich befinde mich jetzt in einer großen Krise, worin ich weder fortfahren noch zurücktreten kann. Aber wie N. gesagt hat, es ist gefährlich einen Zustand des "Stehenbleibens" zu halten. Das ist aber eine mühsame und chaotische Situation, wobei ich nicht richtig reagieren kann. Ich habe mein Leben ins Experimente umgesetzt, sodass ich immer eine solche Frage stelle: "Was wird mir denn geschehen, wenn ich das mache." Die einzige Lösung aus diesem Stillstand ist meine Neugierigkeit auszuleben. Man muß einen Spiegel vor sich haben, um richtig erzogen zu werden. Denn der Spiegel der Menschen ist die Welt. Während ich mein kleines Leben führe, kommt gleichzeitig eine Reflektion jeder Aktion aus meiner Umgebung. Diese Reflektionen sind die unentgeltliche Lehren der Weisheit, daher werde ich immer ein sorgfältiger, fleißiger Student bleiben. Das Ziel ist einen Vollkreis jeder Aktion abzuschließen. Wenn man alle Kreise des Leben voll gemacht hat, hat man kein Ziel mehr, keinen Wunsch mehr , auch keine Täuschung, Dummheit oder Schmerzen. Man hat dann "es" erreicht. "Es" is etwas unausprechliches, das einen kräftigen Klang aus der Stille schenkt. "Es" existiert und zugleich nicht. "Es" ist leer und voll, infinitesimal und unbegrenzt. Es ist alles und nichts... Om. 18 maart 乐生篇乐生篇 读庄生之逍遥散篇,喜。故作叹,与乐生之道。亦感于陶子之止,禹锡之铭。 吾生乐矣。 寻禅踪于陋室之中,觅佛心于五尺被褥之下,一乐也。 听天籁于风林之中,枕朽木于苍穹之下,二乐也。 觅挚友于斗室之内,恢恢乎神游于天地之外,三乐也。 探冬菇于豆腐之下,尝五味于白米之中,四乐也。 观微言于鹪鹩之内,参大义于时空之外,五乐也。 持大笔而融乎大道,挥小毫而写乎小意,吾之至乐也。 有此六乐,复何求哉?复何求哉? 昊晨,零七年三月作 08 februari on the pain of seeing things with clarityI am now experiencing something that not everyone will realize in their lives. It is spiritual, deep, inspiring, disturbing, euphoric and at the same time extremely painful. The pain of seeing things with clarity is what I am talking about here. There are several quotes which made me ponder: "we are the collection of all the moments in our life." "the only things we carry for our life are memories" and "you become what you think about". They are from some movies and some of my friends. A lot of wisdom and a lot of beauty in it. But is it true? My answer is NO. Then do I have an answer? I probably do. Life is nothing more than the space in between my breaths. Life is NOW. Life is present. Each moment lost is a moment lost. It will not come back. For example, now I am sitting in my room, typing all these words, in a certain posture, with a certain mood, my furnitures are arranged in a certain manner, my bed is messed up, my feet sort of stinks, I just had a shower, I am a bit wet, my bags are lying around, it's sunny outside, my roommate is as always on the phone gossiping chicky stuff, I just sniffed, I just scratched, I just breathed, my heart just beated once, twice and again, I took a deep breath, my lamp is warming my skins, I madedd a typo here, I am typing etc....... each moment made of a infinite set of details that will NEVER repeat again ever in our life, never. We are going through death and rebirth constantly through out every single moments. It is almost a despairing thought, that once our mind is directing us to certain objective or decisions, we are actually detached from the moments - we are actually not living, we are living dead, walking corpse! Then all the colours are just appearances, all the excitement, happiness, warmth, joy, life. They only last as long as it lasts. Once it's lost, it will NEVER be the same again. We are leaves on a stream. We are carried away constantly, and the river is never the same to us. So let me repeat the quotes: "we are the collection of all the moments in our life." "the only things we carry for our life are memories" "you become what you think about". My counter quotes for all these will be: "we are the moments." "nothing can be carried through our life." and "you ARE what you think about NOW". Clarity is pain, confusion is pain, love is pain, no love is also pain. Life is pain. Accept it. Jerry 08/02/07 Munich 23 januari My Rebirth
Now I think this process of rebirth, albeit being extremely painful, is more or less complete. It is now an opportune time to do some retrospection and look at what I have become.
Allow me to analyze myself, borrowing concept from Sigmund Freud. The concept I am going to borrow is the concept of the divine trinity of Self, namely, libido, ego and super-ego. These three components now describe three layers of my identity, which now reached an exquisite balance.
The first layer is my libido. I am now rather sure that I am a heterosexual person. And I am rather sure what kind of woman will give me sexual impulses. In this, my self takes the form of body a woman, petit, big-breasted, with all the desirable features of the feminine being. This layer of my identity also includes my other basic physical needs, including the need of eating and keeping myself warm. I am not sure if all these Freud will include as libido, but I find it convenient to put them together. I hereby define these features as my “animal-self”, as if I only fulfill these needs, I will not be much different from a monkey. And the destiny of this animal being is to propagate my genetic materials. Whether this destiny gets fulfilled or not, depends on its coherence with my other identities.
The second layer is my ego. And there are two identities within, which drastically differ from each other. The dominant one is a rather European identity. It is an epicurean or slightly hedonistic self. I am an extremely curious, happy-go-merry person in this respect. I am always looking for new colors, new sounds, and new experiences in life. In this respect, I am also in touch with reality, whereby my curiosity drives me to understand nature – science is the answer.
The minor one I carried from my old life. It is my Asian identity. It is a peaceful, obedient self, which answers the call of a certain social structure. This social structure is completely absent in Europe. Therefore this part is almost invisible in my daily life. But it is present, and it’s real. I will also find my social responsibilities in it, including my parents.
The interactions of these two egos are rather interesting. There had been a lot of fights over who should be dominant. This was my major source of pain, as I do not know who I was. My identity wobbles depending on my environment. And every time the adjustment is so painful. These fights, of course, were also a major source of creativity. My need for expression and my isolation derive mostly from these conflicts. But sometimes this need is like an erupting volcano, which put my mind on the brink of insanity. I had been in this constant state of floating existence, insecurity and pain, until I found my fourth identity.
The third layer, my fourth identity is the layer that dominates all others. It is a spiritual identity, or super-ego. This spiritual identity was awakened by the one from another person. This awakening was amazing, as it was spiritual communion. This “other” spirituality has basically the same composition as mine. All attempts of communication were instantly absorbed and given extremely positive feedbacks. It was spiritual merger, a euphoric chanting, a thing I never envision to happen in my lifetime – I proposed it to happen in my death.
This spiritual self is the ultimate source of my peace and security. It consists of a very simple set of values. Or even just one word – Zen. Zen allows me to let life live itself and be happy about it. My internal cultural conflicts does not affect me anymore as I will be hopefully adaptable to all situations, as Zen will let me get hold on my real self no matter what happens. Zen is my pair of wings. I am now strong and independent. I am ready for life, I am reborn.
Let the flight begin!
它要破卵而出。 卵是它的世界。 破卵而出的它, 将要毁掉这世界。 它飞到神那里。 神名叫 亚伯拉赫萨斯。 --Hermann Hesse 30 november Some thoughtsI just need to get these thoughts out of my mind so that I can concentrate on writing the paper (It's going to be a Letter to Nature. I can't fucking believe that I am actually trying to get published in Nature. And I have no expectation of being successful in doing it, just trying, nothing more.) I have been thinking really really a lot these days, because a few days back, I had a moment of spiritual unison with another person. I think that moment is changing the course of my life. First, it made me believe that such thing as "soul" exists. A soul can also be interpretted as a person's being or consciousness, or even difference in energy level, or information. It is basically a "thing" which does not have a tangible form. It is beyond the 5 sensation of touch, smell, taste, sight, sound. It is a thing that excite all of those sensations but it does not give a specifical sensation in a single channel. It's a certain colour, a certain form, a certain sound, not much of a smell or taste. It has a certain weight, a certain texture. But none of the above qualities is concrete. It is maliable and floating, glowing, murmuring. Make no mistake, I am not trying to propagate a certain superstition here, nor I am trying to push the idea of the eternity of soul. This is just my sensation. You always have the right to call it bullshit. But this is how I felt. Secondly, on love. Love equals to the unison of souls. Love equals to a merger. When two people meet and they understand each other, they hear each other really loud and clear, they fall in love - because their souls touch, and they merge. But I believe this merger is always transient and incomplete. But it is enough, and it does not happen often in people's life. Thirdly, on the ultimate happiness of human being. The ultimate happiness of human being is a collective being. It is just a far-out vision of mine. Take it or leave it. What is this collective being then? It is the orgy of all human souls. A communion, so to speak, that involve all the beings, all the consciousness, all the desire, all the fear, every single thread of human existence, save the bodies. Just imagine this. You are sitting in a bus heading home from work. You see strangers all around you. Strangers who have floating gazes, each eye contacts lasting less than two seconds. And now imagine, there comes a day where there is no more physical existence. All of these people in this bus are just pure spiritual beings with no bodies. Effort of communication is not needed as souls do not need to talk, they simply merge. In a instance, you understood every single condition of every single person, and all your beings and thoughts are understood instantaneously by every other. No more prejudice, hatred, frustration, insecurity, isolation, what remains is love, understanding, warmth and a spontaneous hum of euphoria. I can already hear this humming, do you? 04 november Why arts?Why do I do arts? Why do I paint? Why do people generally do arts? Art is my language, or rather one of my languages. My picture is a way of communicating with people. Verbal languages provide a very limited channel of communication. Gao Xingjian has said, that the reason why he is not a good orator, is that he finds spoken language a funnel. He always need to find the right way, the right words to widen the rear end of the funnel: Just imagine the mind as a pool of water. To communicate, you need to let the water out. The capacity of the funnel limit the efficiency of the flow. Therefore, it's the best to have multi-channels - arts kick in here. There are frequently times when my verbal skills fail me. These are the times when words are not enough and will never be enough (save me turning myself in Victor Hugo & Co.). These are the times when I paint. I am glad that I can sometimes put my mind in colours. When you see my pictures, I want you to hear me speak, sing, moan, scream, weep, cry, laugh, chuckle, whisper, jester, mumble; I want you to see me dance the most impossible dance with impossible skills. But you don't? Of course, because I am an artist in mind, but not a good artist in hand. My way of communication is limited by my skills. Just like it is hard to understand a person from a foreign land, who only speak limited local languages. This situation is similar as me trying to explain my personal philosophy in German right now. The only difference is that my German will get even better, but my artistic skill will not. I always tried my best to capture that picture or motion in my mind. But I always only achieved an approximate. I NEVER really succeeded in getting the exact one. Great artists are great, because they communicate with people with a fluent artistic language which are not only sophisticated, but also amiable to people who are not familiar with it. This is the power of Michelangelo, Beethoven, Mozart, Monet, Cezzane, Klimt, Kandinsky, Hugo, Kundera, Gao........ I am grateful that the world is blessed with these Giants. The world will be boring without them. 25 september Wer denkt, ist nie fröhlichThat was quite a bit of euphoria in the last entry. I started thinking a lot again these days. It is not good, because whoever thinks too much, will never be happy. Yes, it was a great year, and it is actually a dream coming true for me. Not very long ago, I was still staring at the map of Europe "Paris, Milan, Vienna, oh these great cities, I hope I have chance to go and see them." And bang! I have seen'em all in now. And the best part is that I can almost go there again anytime I want (and I will). But after the euphoria, there is always something that you pay for the good time. For me, the price for my great experiences with Europe and likewise my European friends, is that I have sold out my root, my identity, my culture: my way of life. I first had to uproot myself from this stubborn mentality of mine: that I am Chinese, but I am special. It turned out that I really have to play down the fact I am Chinese, and I am not so special anyway. I am just like you and him and her, a human. Living in Europe, I had to, and still have to, constantly question my believes. I saw my belief system crumble in front of the new environment. I had to build a new one from scratch (in progress). I had to start denying the thinking that I am superior being than some other human beings, which I took as a fact before. And yes, this is my confession, I believed that I was superior. And I am now trying to squeeze myself into not believing it. "No no no no no no no no" is what I tell myself. This is almost a self-denial, it is painful but I want to do it. This concept is hardwired into my brain by my maternal and school education, that it almost comes back instantaneously whenever I deny it. Everytime I realized it comes back, I feel ashamed. I had to connect frequently to home. The parents' and relatives' euphoria over my "success" abroad, makes a real split in my head, as this always brings back the feeling of superiority. But I am still trying, I am not giving up. So the old question is Who the fuck am I? I always get these advices when I am after some girls that I should be spontaneous and not think too much. But how can I be spontaneous when I don't find myself? As for thinking too much, I really can't help it. Michael the Austrian told me that "every person has a fixed capacity for problems". This is a very wise idea. Just imagine an average person has in his mind a fixed space for problems. Some have to fill it with "hunger", "war", "death", "daily humiliation"; some other fill it with "opression", "threats", "loneliness" etc. Even for people who don't really have any troubles in their life (for example-ME), will find something to fill this space. It is almost impulsive. One just have to look into this space of others to know how previleged he is, such that he can even start worrying about the problem of "identity". This one is from a movie: "When a person is young, he is wrapped in insecurities, and is poorly equiped to face little frustrations in life. When a person grows older, he is faced many more troubles, but are better equiped to deal with them." Quite a bit of truth in it. Yes I do think too much. Wer denkt zu viel, ist nie fröhlich. 14 juli 梦想家今天居然被李伯清的访谈录感动了。原来给人带来快乐的人并不一定也快乐。李伯平原来不只是个讲噻话的痞子,蹬三轮车,拉夹夹车的瘦子。原来他是个喜怒哀乐,酸甜苦辣尝尽了,实实在在的人。希望他健康长寿,过几天自己开开心心的日子,而不是为了取悦观众而奔波。 他一辈子都在成都,成都是他的根。永远离不开的地方。 我呢?我从来没有想过把自己的人生轨迹跟一个讲评书的作比较。成都,她我唯一的家乡。北门上有个破破烂烂的小学,小学一楼一年级二班的有一个不太大的黑板。这块黑板,就是我梦想起飞的地方。我飞到了德国,意大利,飞到了斯里兰卡,塞尔维亚。以后我还要飞,飞去美洲,非洲,甚至南极洲。外太空?一切皆有可能。 没有这块不起眼的黑板,我就不可能飞。有时候觉得世事很奇怪。一个人的人生轨迹可以由一块破黑板决定。世界的历史可以由画在画上的猫猫狗狗决定。 不相信?讲个故事给你听。文艺复兴的前奏出现在绘画中。画家们试着从严肃的宗教题材中脱离出来。但是教廷的威严不允许,而且他们的经费多来此教会。所以他们还非得继续把耶稣圣母圣徒画在画上。不过.....他们有时会在耶稣脚下多画一只猫,或者一条狗。猫跟狗在圣经原文上并不存在,只是艺术家运用他们仅剩的一点自由根教会开的一个小玩笑。这个小玩笑也被教会容忍。一旦有一次,就会有下次。艺术家越来越大胆,教会也越来越容忍。等和尚们后悔的时候,文艺复兴已经势不可挡了。世界历史的天平于是倒向欧洲。西方文化从此变的强势,一直到今天。这么一想,我之所以来德国求学,冥冥中与这些画上的猫猫狗狗竟有些关系。 这个故事是我自己想的,有夸大其词的之嫌。但是,猫猫狗狗本身的故事是真的。没夸大。米兰艺术学院的一个画家给我讲的哈。 22 april ChronosThis is about mood of another person not me, but it inspired the painting. The Chinese text was not written by me (it is lovely, indeed). I did the painting and translation. 时间 昨夜星辰昨夜风,花儿舞过了,月升又月落,屋顶瓦缝间的小草探出头,张望过了这柔和的夜。有一种情绪弥漫,推窗找猎户的三颗腰带,西南向,晶晶灼亮,像他的眼睛,热烈而执着。 伸手,探向迷离的夜空。暖风动,生命的灵气如薄纱,轻柔地飘起又落下,披覆着这个点点灯火的城市。我靠着窗,搂紧怀中的植物,闭上眼,与嫩芽、枯叶和干枝 一起感受时间的蒸腾,缓缓的暗涌,从经脉,发肤,指尖,从呼出的气息,从发出的声音,从思考的静谧,从思念的绵延,丝丝缕缕,袅袅地飘升,钻过薄纱细密的 孔,逃逸到外太空。我挥舞双手,抓到一团银色的光影,舔一舔,有一点点我喜欢的香甜。 有一天,时间爬上我的眉梢眼角,开出一朵小花,时间掠过我柔软的脸颊和双手,带走生气,留下风霜,时间穿过我的身体,让我的步伐飘移,让我的脊背佝偻。时间要阅历我的心灵,翻开青涩的土壤,耕种下智识,而收获,却要隐藏在皱褶,尘霜,和枯槁的形体里!冯唐说,用文字打败时间,而我们呢?你愿意紧紧地跟我一起,用柔情抵抗指缝间流走的青春岁月么? Chronos Wind of the starry night of yesterday, the dance of the flowers and the moon. Fresh grass sneaked out from the roof in spring, peeping at this tender night. Pushed open my window, I looked for the belt of Orion. There they were, three bright stars, blinking, just like his eyes - passionate and absorbed. I reached out to the night sky to catch the warm wind. The spirit of life feels like fine silk, carried by wind, rise and fall, onto this city starry with lights. I held my beloved flora, closed my eyes, touched the sprouts, the frail leaves and twigs. I felt it, I breathe the evaporation of chronos, slow and steady, from my veins, my skin, my hairs, through the tips of my fingers. I felt it, in my voice, in the silence of my mind and in the bittersweet continuity of love. I saw it, like silky smoke, chronos floated into space. I waved my hand and caught this silver shadow and tasted it - there was a sweetness, though light. One day, chronos will climb up to my eyes and brows, and blossom. Whilst it would go across my chin and tender hands, leaving coldness and wrinkle behind. Whilst it would go through my corpus, wavering my steps, and bending my back. Whilst it would read my soul, and plough my innocence and seed wisdom. Yet to reap the wisdom, I would have to find it in a tired body that is withered by the years. Some say, fight chronos with words from your soul! How about us? Will you take my hand, and resist the flowing time with our tender love? |
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